Humorous and Lighthearted

I can tell, I can tell, she is near
‘Cause suddenly somewhere inside me
An overwhelming hunger is stirred
One I can no longer deter
I know well it’s that spell she has spun
That wears down my heart and tears me apart
Ev’ry time she is here.
The die has been tossed, my bearings are lost
All because, all because she’s near
See how my pulse accelerates, it won’t slow down,
See how my pressure elevates, it’s way out of bound
Surely there is something I could take
Something to settle my nerves
My life, my love, my future are all at stake
So much depends on me now!
The signs are all suggesting I won’t succeed
In this encounter with her
Still there is no question I must proceed
What I don’t know is just how.
I can tell, I can tell she is near
The atmosphere is paralyzing
How shall I behave when she is here?
What do I do and say when she appears?
I know well, all too well, when she comes
I’ve got just one shot to give what I’ve got
This foolish fate that I fear is I’ll lose my resolve
And simply dissolve
All because, all because she is near!

Why should I deny it, conceal or try to hide it?
No one should resent it if I’m a little bit male oriented
My proclivity will always be this way.
Granted my affections all slant in one direction
And I’m accommodating each time I find
There’s a fellow waiting
I don’t’ give a fig to what prudes and prigs may say
That’s why:
If I were an apple hanging on a bow and you wanted to hang there too
Just for you, I’d slide over, over for you
If I were a one-man kayak drifting down the sound near Nayak
Just for you I’d become a canoe and I’d slide over, over
As a fly on a tape, though I couldn’t escape
I’d slide over for you.
If I were a solo in a symphony I guarantee for you, my Pet,
I’d be a duet and I’d slide over, over for you
If I had the lead in this year’s Derby race and you wanted to have first place
I’d share my space and I’d slide over
As a hole in Swiss cheese if I thought it would please
I’d slide over for you.
Lest you think I’m altruistic with motives of a mystic
Be aware that I’m just normal and things, well things could eas’ly go thermal
So go cautiously if you choose to be involved
‘Cause what I have in mind is a certain kind of kindness
Understand what I’m espousing is a plan that can be mildly arousing, so
Sweetheart know that I am so resolve.
If I were a mountain peak with jagged rocks and icy sheets, to none but you
I’d give a peak of my view and invite you over, no one but you
If I were a pillow lying on a bed and you wanted to lie there too
I’d not refuse any spot you’d choose, If I lived in a tomb
Just to give you some room, I would slide over for you.

I’ll only take coffee with dairy fresh cream
When I take whiskey it’s from Mr. Beam
‘Cause I accept nothing I find under par
But, as for you
I’ll take you just the way you are
My haberdasher is Josiah Banks
I’ve tried all those others, really, no thanks,
If I take Amtrak, it’s ACELA by far
But, as for you
I’ll take you just the way you are

I confess I’m discriminating
My standards they are so intimidating
But, your appeal is strangely commanding
It surpasses all my understanding

I’ll only eat salmon that’s properly smoked
Steaks overdone leave my palate provoked
When I partake, I’ll take a Cuban cigar
But, as for you
I’ll take you just the way you are
I like Kate Winslet and Penelope Cruz
And Nicole Kidman’d be so easy to choose
You don’t resemble a Hollywood star
But, even so
I’ll take you just the way,
I’ll take you just the way
I’ll take you just the way you are

I’m a belt without a buckle, a shoe without a lace
A love seat that seats one too few
I’m a mortar with no pestle, a clock that has no face
That’s what I am without you
I’m a Tracy with no Hepburn, a Jack who’s go no Jill
A picture window with no view
I’m a market with no upturn, a sculptor with no skill
That’s what I am without you
I was so convinced, it was oh so clear
My world was complete, I had no need
But now ever, since you first appeared
All I can do is concede that
I’m a bucket with no handle, a thesis with no theme
A lunar launch without a crew
I’m a cake without a candle, a coffee with no cream
That’s what I am, that’s what I am
That’s what I am without you.

I’m in the dark about you
I’m in the dark about you
First you tease me with a ‘yes’
Then torment me with ‘no’
You kiss me and caress me
And tell me to go
You treat me real nice
Then your defenses you drop
And there at Paradise
You tell me to stop
You get me completely confused
I’ll be that you’re secretly amused
‘Cause you mess with my emotions
When such fickleness you show
You’re as warm as wool pajama and as frigid as snow
I get a little bolder as the ice begins to thaw
But your shoulder gets colder the nearer I draw
Oh, I’m in the dark, I’m in the dark
I’m in the dark about you.
Lately, my friend, my life’s been a mess
And you, you tease, you’re the cause,
Let’s put an end to the strife and the stress
Take me, please, off pause
I’m in a stew about you
What do I do about you?
‘Cause each time I read your vibes
All your signals are mixed
‘Twixt ‘try’ and ‘don’t’ try’
I’m stuck in the ‘twixt’
Your eyes say ‘come here’
And so I eagerly persist
But, something’s not clear
My lips you resist
Oh, I’m in the dark, I’m in the dark
I’m in the dark about you
I’m so perplexed about you
Don’t know what next you’re gonna do
First you tease me with a ‘yes’
Then torment me with ‘no’
You kiss me and caress me
Then tell me to go
Oh, I’m in the dark, I’m in the dark
I’m in the dark about you

I’m part of the one percent, living lavishly
I’ve spent all my life in the lap of luxury
Willingly I’d consent to leave it all behind
I know I’d not repent if I knew that you were mine.
I don’t need a house in the Hamptons
Or a penthouse with a view
I’d survive with no Palm Beach get-a-way
If all I had was you
I’d forgo my chef and my chauffeur
Maids and butlers I’d eschew
I could thrive and flourish any day
If all I had was you
Mine is a world of haute couture
I find of one thing I am sure
A world without you never would do
I’m independent, it’s true
But my independence needs you
I’d rather be poor than lonely and bored
We’d get by on pale moonlight
So, let’s fly, let’s take the flight
I don’t need a Vanguard portfolio
One where all the chips are blue
Treas’ry bonds are a steady source of pay
But all I need is you
I know friends who swear life’d be empty
Without a Subaru or two
Maybe so, but I would be okay
If all I had, if all I had
If all I had was you.

I was a dullard ‘till I found you
My life was lacking joie de vivre
Days were all colored in a humdrum hue
Nothing could my boredom relieve
Then you came by way, now all I can say is:
If I can’t have you
And those Paris nights, the glam’rous glitz
The Concorde flights, the Saint Mauritz,
Then I’ll have to get by, I’ll just have to get by
On champagne
Don’t know what I would do
With no getaways on Schooner ships
No languid days or moonlit dips
I would probably die, but I’ll try to get by
On champagne
Once you have been with a goddess
No other body’s worthy of compare
Once you have flown on Icarian flights
No other flights give you thrills
After you’ve sample Ambrosia
Ev’ry thing else is ‘vino-ordinaire’
After you’ve scaled vertiginous heights
All other heights are just hills.
If I can’t have you
That sure panache, that pleasing sent
Those eyes that flash, those lips that tempt
Then my life’d be so dire, I’d most likely expire
My world’d be so plain
How would I survive without your quirks
That savoir faire, those fireworks, I’d soon despair
There’s only one thing to do
With a magnum or two
I’d have to bet by on champagne!

I’m in the dark about you
I’m in the dark about you
First you tease me with a ‘yes’
Then torment me with ‘no’
You kiss me and caress me
And tell me to go
You treat me real nice
Then your defenses you drop
And there at Paradise
You tell me to stop
You get me completely confused
I’ll be that you’re secretly amused
‘Cause you mess with my emotions
When such fickleness you show
You’re as warm as wool pajama and as frigid as snow
I get a little bolder as the ice begins to thaw
But your shoulder gets colder the nearer I draw
Oh, I’m in the dark, I’m in the dark
I’m in the dark about you.
Lately, my friend, my life’s been a mess
And you, you tease, you’re the cause,
Let’s put an end to the strife and the stress
Take me, please, off pause
I’m in a stew about you
What do I do about you?
‘Cause each time I read your vibes
All your signals are mixed
‘Twixt ‘try’ and ‘don’t’ try’
I’m stuck in the ‘twixt’
Your eyes say ‘come here’
And so I eagerly persist
But, something’s not clear
My lips you resist
Oh, I’m in the dark, I’m in the dark
I’m in the dark about you
I’m so perplexed about you
Don’t know what next you’re gonna do
First you tease me with a ‘yes’
Then torment me with ‘no’
You kiss me and caress me
Then tell me to go
Oh, I’m in the dark, I’m in the dark
I’m in the dark about you

People say I’m erudite, that arcane screeds I read all night
It must be so what they say, just so you know, I’m a scholar manque
My education’s classical, the Great Books I’ve amassed them all
My mind and these I can bend, it’s you, my sweet tease, I cannot comprehend!
I catch on to Cato, Plutarch and Plato and Plotinus
Spinoza I understand, of Euclid I’ve some command
I read with ease through Thucydides and Aquinas
But if my subject’s you, there’s little my mind can do
You’ve got that Je Ne Sais Quoi, that Je Ne Sais Quoi
I’ve met my teacher in Friederick Nietzsche and Wittgenstein
And as you might assume, I’m at home with both Hobbes and Hume
Though he’s highly rated I’ve penetrated Al Einstein
But when it comes to you, I haven’t got a clue
You got that Je Ne Sais Quoi, that Je Ne Sais Quoi
I grasp the main parts of Pasal and Descartes and Kierkegard
Copernicus, he’s a breeze, and so is Xenophanes
Chomsky and Burke require some work, I agree they’re hard
But, Baby, when you’re the text, I’m more than a bit perplexed
You got that Je Ne Sais Quoi, that Je Ne Sais Quoi

It’s late, I know, you’ve got to go
What a day we have spent!
You’ve been my guest, may I suggest
You allow me to present
This proposition….

Just in case you miss your flight
And need a place to spend tonight
I am prepared to offer you my hospitality
If you are so inclined
Just in case the road is closed
Your car won’t start, you won’t impose
If you decide you want to try my hospitality
You’re gonna like what you find

I have extra peejays on reserve for guests
And what you hear is hearsay
My behavior is the best
As an example
When the dawn arises and you start your day
I’ll bring sweet surprises
As I serve Café au-lait
Would you like a sample?

Just in case your license expired
You sipped too much or you’re just too tired
I’d like to share with you tonight my hospitality
There’s none that’s better than mine
Just in case you’re afraid of the dark
Or the rain starts to come like on Noah’s ark
I couldn’t bear to have you miss my hospitality
So let me show you what’s on my mind
So let me show you what’s on my mind

I’m a product of the times
A true consumer through and through
Of all the goods I seek and find
All I want I more
In ev’ry kind of merchandise
The quantity for me’s the allure
It matters not how much the price
All I want is more
I’ve ten watches that tell me the time
When Yuenglings I pour I pour more than four
On a dozen oysters I usually dine
On half shells or swimming in a stew
But all I need is just one of you.
I’ve got neckties, three or four score
Hanging behind my closet door
I admit that most I never wore
Still I want to keep at least a few
But all I need is just one of you.
For you, it’s you alone I desire
With you, there’s nothing else I require
You’re that one of a kind that stays stuck in my mind
So now let me tell you
That I’ve got girl friends on both of the coasts
And in the heartland even some more
I’m not bragging, it’s not a boast
These liaisons I’d undo
If all I had was just one of you.

Ev’ry hour we’re on the go
It’s always the same
Working hard to make some dough
In this bread winning game
But lately I have had an inkling
Of something we might do
Here’s the thought I’m thinking of
Let’s take a break and fall in love.
A life of endless labor
Is a life filled with stress
There’s no time to savor
All these passions we possess
Let’s consider all our options
And choose one we’d enjoy
I hope you’ll like the one
I’m thinking of
Let’s take a break and fall in love.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday
Friday too
We never stop
‘Cause we’ve so much work to do
We need something, something diff’rnet,
Something new
Something that’s not work
That I can do with you
Morning noon and evening too the
Work never ends
If it does when we’re both through
There’s no time to be friends
So before we’re both exhausted
Too weary and too worn
Let’s let Cupid give us a shove
Let’s take a break and fall in love
Let’s take a break and fall in love.

Though I’m a rover who’s roamed the world over
Searching for sights anew
My journeys defy me and none satisfy me
‘Cause I’m not here near the nearness of you
Whenever I wander I’m less and less fond of
Those things that wand’rers do
Though I’m independent I find no contentment
When I’m not here near the nearness of you
Venus de Milo, Mount Kilimanjaro, the Taj Mahal
The peaks of Mount Ev’res, the skies in the Great West
I’ve seen them all
The Great Sphynx of Giza, the that tower in Pisa
The Cliffs of Moher, the Aga Khan’s Palace, the Auroral Borealis
And so much more
Maybe it’s noble being so global
I’ll have to think it through
But I get unraveled each time I travel
‘Cause I’m not here near the nearness of you
The Dutch and their dairies, Tibet’s lamaseries, the Catacombs,
Galapagos Islands, the Scots’ low and highlands are places I’ve roamed
These peregrinations from nation to nation
I’ve been inclined to pursue
No longer excites me, nor thrills and delights me
‘Cause I’m not here, ‘cause I’m not here
‘Cause I’m not here near the nearness of you.

Open this door and let me in
I’m asking once more you let me in
Let me back inside
I don’t understand why you accuse me
Why am I now just standing here
Just begging to be let back in?
What could I have done that you refuse me?
Just open up this door and let me in.
I promise you whatever I’ve done
I won’t do anymore
I get the message cloud and clear
Of this you can be sure
I’ll agree to any resolution
You’d have me accept
Before I’m worthy to be let back in
Go ahead and choose your retribution
Just open this door, open this door
Open this door and let me in!

I’m hearing rumors that can’t be true
‘Cause what they’re saying they’re saying about you
That you’ve been dancing, really dancing
And hitting on somebody new
What am I supposed to do
About these rumors surrounding me
And hounding me with these doubts about you
Tell me they’re nothing but empty rumors
‘Cause if they’re not, we’re through

You understand my concern
Where there is smoke there is fire
Not long ago I was burned
While dancing with a liar
Who swore there was nobody else
Assured me with passionate sighs
That I had him all to myself
What I had was nothing but lies!

What’s with these rumors they’re telling me
I can’t believe all these tales about you
They’d better be rumors
Just empty rumors
‘Cause if they’re not
‘Casue if they’re not
We’re through

You’ve been torturing my heart, shame on you,
Better stop before I start blaming you
For adoring me so boringly
With your passionate poems and praise
When what I need so urgently’s
Not lyrical expression but physical affection
Shame, shame, shame on you!
I have had it up to here with your poesy
You may be the new Shakespeare, if so, woe is me,
Why can’t we two just agree to
Cuddle and coo and caress?
Why have you not got a clue that
Iambic pentameter isn’t what these arms are for
Shame, shame, shame
Oh, shame, shame, shame, shame, shame on you!
Suitors have cited their prose before
Charming and witty Lord knows they were
But they didn’t recite all through the night incessantly!
I’m not averse to your lit’rature, so finely rehearsed as it is I’m sure
But while I’m still awake, let’s take a break from your poetry!
You’ve have wasted precious time playing Cyrano
What I want’s not verse or rhyme, I want Romeo!
Your strategy might guarantee a Pulitzer prize or the like
But, for victory over me you should can the verbal antics
And be quietly romantic, shame, shame, shame,
Oh, shame, shame, shame, shame , shame on you

They say I’m somewhat crazy, maybe so,
They say that I should simply let her go
And they insist that I have lost my liberty
All because she’s got control of me
I know it’s true, but what can I do?
I’m in a quandary
I want release but she won’t leave me in peace
She’s got a grip on me
Each time that I endeavor to break away
She finds someway clever to make me stay
For her I may be nothing but another toy
One for her to play with and enjoy
When the mood moves her, when it behooves her
I’m at her beck and call
Like a fly on a tape I know I’ll never escape
She’s got a grip on me
I know I’ll be judged by the company I keep
But there’s no way I can budge ‘cause I’m in too deep
‘Cause ev’ry time that I attempt to split the scene
Somehow she’s able to intervene
Like a feckless moth circling a flame of fire
I’m a reckless fool, a slave to desire
In spite of all the many times that I’ve been burned
You’d think by now one lesson I’d’ve learned
I should stay clear when she whispers “Come here”
But that’s not my destiny
Though freedom I yearn it’s to her I return
She’s got a grip, she’s got a grip
She’s got a grip on me.

I couldn’t sleep last night
Someone invaded my dream
And kept me awake all night
Dreaming about my dream
Someone who looked a lot like you
So much that I think there’s a link
Someone who seduced me the whole night through
I couldn’t catch a wink.
I couldn’t sleep last night
Someone invaded my dream
I was there, lying there, about to doze
Waiting to fade into bliss
Just as I closed my eyes in sweet repose
All at once my lips received a kiss
Valiantly, all of me refused to yield
Oh, how I fought each soft caress
But such is the power of the charm he wields
That by dawn he had me shouting ‘yes’
I couldn’t sleep last night
Someone invaded my dream.

Our acquaintances they all agree
That you and I, we’re not meant to be
You’re too diff’rent, diff’rent from me
They say we’d never make it through
You and I aren’t compatible

I like whiskey, you prefer wine
I’m from the West, and you the Main Line
All those things, those things you like best
Are things I probably would decline
So they say we’re incompatible

They say our affair’d be doomed at the outset
So we mustn’t dare thinking about romancing now
‘Cause we’re incompatible
They say it wouldn’t work as much as we’d like to
We’d both go berserk if our passions we’d allow,
‘Cause we’re incompatible

And yet your lips are driving me insane
How I long to press them to mine
My empty arms, they’re aching now in vain
For you and you alone they pine
Maybe we should pay no attention
Let’s just be ourselves, a fellow and a gal
Let’s do it on a dare
I don’t really care
If we’re incompatible

You say you’re glad we stay together
Glad to be exclusively an item
You say we’ll stay this way forever
So, I’m wond’ring
What’s with those runaway, faraway eyes?

You say you like my conversation
You like to know the things that I am thinking
You say I’ve got sophistication
Well I’m thinking
What’s with those runaway, faraway eyes?

You swear I’ve got no competition
That no one else can do for you what I do
Your care for me’s without condition
So tell me, tell me
What’s with those runaway, faraway eyes?

Don’t forget when we first met that you came on to me
You persisted, I resisted, or so I tried
You proclaimed our love enflamed would burn eternally
That passion such as ours could never die!
Lately that’s why I’ve been wond’ring why is it now
Each time you take me out dancing
You make it look like we belong together
But when we’re alone and just romancing
Something’s missing when we’re kissing
It’s in those gotta get out of her
Wanna be far from her
Runaway, faraway eyes!

My days were dull, the nights even duller
Life had no color, my world was gray
No rays of hope could brighten my demeanor
Monotony had got to me and wouldn’t go away
That’s how it was till you said ‘hello’

I was sure I’d never be free from that grip
That old man boredom had locked on me
I never dreamed I had a liberator
Someone who would come someday
And bring with her the key
That’s how it was till you said ‘hello’

I never heard a more formidable word
Than those two syllables you spoke
They did for me what I could never fpresee
Fin’ly my future awoke!

Now you’re here and all I can think of is
I was on the brink of such misery
I’d still be there, a lost and loveless loser
Hoping someone’d find me there
And waiting despr’rately
That’s how it was, that’s how it was
That’s how it was till you said ‘hello’.

It happens when I am lonely
Especi’ly when the nights set in
A voice somewhere deep inside me
A sad lament begins

Where is the minstrel who’ll sing just for me
Where is his ‘chanson d’amour’?
I’m ready now, why isn’t he?
Where is my Troubadour?

When will I bask in his bright baritone
And suffer this silence no more?
When will his tune his absence atone?
Where is my Troubadour?

Somewhere I’m sure there is someone
Tuning his zither for me
So now I implore this someone
To hasten hither with his minstrelsy

Long have I waited for him to appear
I’m not sure that I will endure
Long have I pined that he’d find me her
Where is that Troubadour!

He should amuse me, infuse me with song
Caress me with melody pure
Could I be wrong? And he won’t come along?
Where, oh, where, where, oh, where
Where is my Troubadour?!

Maybe it’s right and maybe it’s wrong
Which will this romance be?
Something tonight says the risk is worth the taking
So let’s not let this chance go by
We’ll never know until we try

Your lips say ‘hold tight’, your eyes say ‘come on’
I’m in a quandary
I’m thinking we might throw precaution out the window
Let’s go ahead, give it a ‘go’
Until we try we’ll never know

How are we gonna face this situation
We find ourselves in
Why do we have to tolerate frustration
Let’s just begin
No one can ever say that we’ve been reckless
We’ve never been
Let’s go ahead before this waiting wrecks us
And let passion win

Is it a ‘yes’ or is it still ‘no’?
It’s you who possess the key,
Let me suggest a way we two could solve this mystery
Is not let this chance go by
‘Cause we’ll never know, ‘cause we’ll never know
‘Cause we’ll never know until we try

Here I am fresh out of school
Armed with diploma and degree
No need to show me, I know the rules
What can you do for me?
Here I am with a full set of skills
For any eventuality
I can cure your corporate ills
What I can do you’ll see
What can you do for me?
I’ve analyzed your situation
And recommend a remedy
Your problem’s poor communication
Hire me, I’m a whiz at I.T.
You need help in product branding
In marketing I was a star
If your employees are demanding
Make me V.P. of H.R.
Here I am ready to shine
With talent just ripe to be acquired
Watch how I boost your bottom line
Soon you may be retired
I can meet for breakfast at six
To tell you the way that things should be
There’s nothing I can’t easily fix
What I can do you’ll see.
What can you do for me?
Modern theories clearly’ve shown us
How to maximize return
Offer me a sign on bonus
And I’ll download all I’ve learned
Here I am fresh out of school
Armed with diploma and degree
Here I am, I’ve got all the tools
What I can do you’ll see
What can you do for me?

Could we and should we jump in and just swim
The water is looking fine
My inclination’s give in to temptation
Would we be out of line?
Let’s just get started, not be half-hearted
Both of us are in our prime
What’s the use of wasting time?

Can we or can’t we, shall we or shan’t we?
Who’s gonna make the call?
I know you’d like to, you know I’d like to
Why should we have to stall?
It’s aggravating standing here waiting
When both of us are in our prime
What’s the use of wasting time?

What are we gonna do about this pickle that we’re in
How are gonna resolve this affair
How are gonna know if we should wait or just begin
Maybe we shouldn’t care!

I can’t handle frustration’s exasperation
It isn’t within my power
To resist this attraction, postpone any action
Maybe what I need’s a cold shower!
If I’m not mistaken, love’s been awakened
And both of us are in our prime
What’s the use of wasting
What’s the use of wasting
What’s the use of wasting time?

Last night you said you’d always love me
You made a solemn vow
That’s right, you said I was the one
Where is your lovin’ now?
You assured me it’s be forever
We’d make it work somehow
‘Cause you adored me and I was undone
Where is your lovin’ now?
How could I forget how willingly I let you
Have your way with me!
It never crossed my mind that you might be the kind
Who’d simply play with me
Please explain this bout of amnesia and how you can disallow
All those sweet words you whispered last night
Oh, where is that lovin’, that easy come lovin’
Oh, where is your lovin’ now?

Oh the day is done and it’s sure been fun
Spending ev’ry single hour with you
What a shame you have to go
If you chose to I’d be dispose to
Repeat it all tomorrow with you
But we can’t if you go
There’s a solution I know:
Why don’t you stay here this evening
Why don’t you spend the night with me?
You can sleep in my bed, I’ll sleep on the sofa
It’s quite all right, just spend the night.
you can share my brand new pair of peejays
They may be large but you won’t care at all
You’ll be safe and cozy, nothing will disturb you
For sure not me, I guarantee.
Why don’t you spend the night with me
And when daylight climbs through the window blinds
I’ll arouse you from your slumber and say:
“Time to start a new day”
And when you awake then we’ll both partake
Of a tasty little treat I’ll have for you
With our café au lait
All of this if you stay.
Why don’t you stay here this evening
Why don’t you spend the night with me?
Nothing’s going to happen, I’ll be on my best behavior
So, have no fear and stay right here
Why don’t you spend the night, spend the night
Spend the night with me?

Our friendship has blossomed, it’s now very clear
I’m only happy when I have you here
And as for you it’s easy to see
You’d rather be with than without me
I must declare I’ve been brought up tradit’nly
My kisses and care they don’t come uncondit’nly

I will let you love me and love me all my life
And lead me on a life long fling
I will let you have me and hold me ev’ry night
I’d surrender ev’rything
But, sweetheart, sweetheart
Where’s the ring?

We’d discover in each other conjugal desire
Our lives would never be the same
We’d be so ecstatic we’d be nuptial on fire
But before we light the flame
Sweetheart, sweetheart
Where’s the ring?

What I’m looking for is not an open-ended date
I want something more than an apartment mate
I want you but the way I do requires that we’re certified
Sure I’m convinced that your intentions are fine
So, as you can see, I needn’t mention are mine
But, my friend, let’s have no loose ends
The knot must be tied!

I want you to savor all my amorous delights
Winter, summer, autumn or spring
I’m ready and I’m able to take you to the heights
But there is this one small thing
Sweetheart, sweetheart, where’s the ring?

We’ve been together an hour or two
So here’s a question I have for you
The food is finished and we’re lingering here
But out mood’s undiminished so shouldn’t it be clear
What should we do now?

The restaurant is closing, we would be imposing if we stay
We could continue if you’re so inclined
The day may be ending but the night’s in its prime!

This feast is delicious, the banter most inviting
Your manner most exciting, I must say.
Why should we stop now, we’ve got lots of time
Will it be your place? Or, will it be mine?

Has there ever been a dinner finer than this?
The candles, the crystal, the wine?
The mood that we’re in is more than culinary bliss
It’s what we would do once we’ve dined!

It’s been a pleasure for me to get to know you
Now please let me show you
I know a way to prolong this banquet
So, if we’re of like mine
Will it be your place? Or will it be mine?

I could look at you and never tire of the view
Ev’ry time I do I know I’m gazing at a lovely star
And now please let me list all that I insist
Are all the things you are:
You’re Paris by moonlight, your Venice at dawn
You’re the Frick Museum when ev’ryone’s gone
You’re a cucumber sandwhcih with spakrling wine
Your’re ev’rything, but you’re not mine
You’re the Garden of Eden before the Great Fall
You’re springtime in Sweden after the thaw
You’re a latte at Starbucks. You’re a real find
You’re ev’rything but you’re not mine
Something there is about you, something you do mighty well
You make my life without you Dante’s last circle of Hell
How can you be so heartless, how can you do this to me
Put an end to my misery.
You’re Apple’s new I-Phone, you’re Bushmills on ice
You’re Buffalo Wings with lots of spice
The world is your oyster and I’m in a bind
You’re ev’rything, but you’re not mine.
You’re blueberry pancakes with syrup still hot
You’re Colorado’s legal pot
You’re tea at the White House, you’re beauty enshrined
You’re the best of the best, but you’re not mine.
Why do you cause such torment, why do you torture me so?
Is this the life for me meant, here and wherever I go?
I am resolve to have you, to have and to hold and possess
All I need is for you to say ‘Yes’.
You’re like a Steinway that’s always in tune
You’re a Christmas gift that comes in June
You’re a summer tomato fresh of the vine
You’re a Cadillac but you’re not mine
You’re an etude by Chopin, a concerto by Back
You’re Berkshire Hathaway’s common stock
I’ll spend my days singing your praise
I won’t go away until I hear you say
You’re not ev’rything until you’re mine.